Initiation Into Conscious Creative Leadership as Reflected Through Responsibility and Freedom

The responsible man is free. The free man is responsible.

Initiation Through the Darkness of Responsibility

When our awareness is experiencing the comfort of order, we can initiate through a deep passion for responsibility and ensuring safety of others. Responsibility makes us feel like grown-ups and noble. When we align to the standards of a responsible citizen, we win in every way! We get a good pat on the back from our parents, our teachers, our work, our political tribe, our academic institutions, and our global establishments — we are the good, responsible ones!

We love to preach to the masses how “responsible” people care about creating a safe, just and abundant society for others. How can you not agree? We love to preach selflessness and be praised by all the “good” people who agree that I am of course one of the self-sacrificing good ones with the right beliefs, the right opinions, and the right actions.

However, in time, the simpleness of this righteous responsibility begins to complicate.

Our patience for the stupid, selfish, bad people begins to thin. We start throwing responsibility around like a bomb at those who disturb the peace, at those who dare to put their selfishness, their incorrect anger, their childish call for freedom above my comfort… I mean our safety.

We ask, Must I always be the adult? What is wrong with these people?

In time, this responsibility rhetoric for the greater good can no longer disguise controlling actions to dominate the moral high ground and to hold the masses accountable to appeasing our expectations — what we want and what we need. We being the good ones who agree.

But of course, we think, this kind of control is understandable and acceptable because our moral high ground is the right one, and these expectations are, of course, the right expectations. They will help to keep us safe from the bad people, the bad opinions, and the bad actions.

We tell ourselves, there are some exceptions to the rule of not controlling othersWhen you are the responsible one you should have the right to control the irresponsibles — especially the stupid, selfish, dangerous ones.

We ignore that unsettling feeling we get when we notice how the good leaders use responsibility as an excuse to lie.

We say, they have the right opinion and are responsible, so it’s not really lying — it’s helping people to see the right thing, because most people are too stupid to figure it out if they aren’t given the exact recipe to goodness. The responsible people must tell them what to think — if they do not, we run the risk of living in an unsafe world.

But the hardest unsettling feeling to repress is the one we get when we notice that we are using responsibility as an excuse to lie to ourselves.

When we start to use responsibility as an excuse for lying about who we really are, what we really feel, and what we really think. We like the “responsible template” we were given by our leaders and institutions of what responsibility is because it makes our lives easier — less to question, less stress. We use the “responsible template” to shield us from why we cannot change things about our personal lives and our behavior that deep down we feel we need to or want to change.

We tell others, I must believe and act this way as it is what good, responsible people do!

We deny the pleasure we receive when that need to control grows, and we begin to use that authoritarian tone of voice, I will shame you irresponsibles into following my right vision of what responsibility is. It’s for your own good.

But over time, this “responsibility” gets heavier and heavier and heavier.

Over time, we start to feel more and more immersed in darkness — filled with apathy, grief, shame, and rage. Our shadow grows as the distance between our truth and our responsible exterior expands.

Eventually we can’t take it anymore: the numbness, the resentment, the rage against those selfish people who keep using that word freedom and acting in such a selfish, inconsiderate, ignorant way. We may think, the word freedom unleashed an excuse for irresponsibility on this world.

An existential void begins to form sucking us into hopelessness, anxiety and depression. This void is at once both unbearable and almost comforting in its misery.

We start to say things like, Humans are repulsive creatures. We are the real disease. There is no God, because no God would create something so useless. Humanity doesn’t deserve to survive. If we do survive, it should only be the good ones.

And at this point, we just want… dare I say it… to be free. Free from the misery of being responsible.

And if we choose, the initiation into a new awareness can begin by facing a hard truth:

that somehow our belief in responsibility has rendered us completely irresponsible and powerless.

Initiation Through the Darkness of Freedom

When our awareness is experiencing the comfort of chaos, we initiate with a fiery call for freedom from all responsibility and rebellion against all authority.

We roll our eyes and cringe when society starts harping on responsibility — especially when it employs that authoritarian I will guilt you into following my vision of what responsibility is tone of voice.

We call for freedom because all we see is responsibility as a deceptive story: a control mechanism and an emotionally manipulative threat to the inherent uniqueness of each individual and cosmic right to freely choose one’s experience of life.

To those who celebrate freedom as a rebellion to responsibility, to be responsible is to live an uncreative life of unquestioned adherence to whatever God the responsibles praise — a man in the sky, a man in the white house, a man of intellectual, physical, or financial superiority. The responsibles love finding a God to praise, even when think they deny God. They need something to idolize and follow.

We tell ourselves, My only demand for myself and society is freedom — to have the right to live free from guilt, free from karma, free from someone else’s idea of what life should be — free from all your Gods.

We say we are free and present, but it starts to express more like an insatiable drive for pleasure. Food, alcohol, drugs, sex, travel, knowledge, work, even spirituality — everything and anything that creates a high and escape from... from… control!

As that call for freedom is overrun by the need to escape control, we can spiral into a state of fear where everyone and everything becomes a trap. Everyone and everything is trying to control us or deceive us. We begin to identify with and enjoy being called the rebel, the misfit, the problem.

It’s just me against the world, we cry!

While invigorating in the beginning, our life soon becomes more exhausting and increasingly chaotic. We struggle to hold any form outside of the present moment — relationships, jobs, projects, practices, hobbies. We struggle with the concept of care — care for the self and care for others. Something always seems to be going wrong in our lives, and it’s always someone else’s fault.

Over time, this “freedom” gets heavier and heavier and heavier.

Over time, we start to feel more and more immersed in darkness — alone, scared to commit or create anything, needing an escape or a high, and somehow always on the run…

And if we choose, the initiation into a new awareness can begin by facing a hard truth:

That freedom itself has rendered us completely trapped with the one thing we can’t escape — ourselves.

Initiation into Conscious Creative Leadership

As I share this reflection on the responsibility/freedom paradox, I’d like to make some adjustments to language first. As it is language itself and our assumptions associated with that language that can distort or cheapen the depth of a concept.

Instead of responsibility, let’s use the word order.

Instead of freedom, let’s use the word chaos.

For both freedom and responsibility lie within the balance of these polarities. Our urge for freedom aligns to the cosmic truth of a chaotic universe. Our urge for responsibility aligns to the cosmic truth of a highly ordered universe.

Our universe and everything within it is not one or the other, but both. We live in both a highly chaotic and highly ordered universe. Our human experience is naturally a reflection, a literal creation of these polarities within our physical universe. The laws of a balanced universe that can sustain evolution (life) are the same as the laws of a balanced human who can sustain evolution (life). They both require both chaos and order. To deny one or favor one over the other, is to deny yourself — to deny health of the body, health of the mind, and health of the spirit.

True freedom is responsibility as true responsibility is freedom — but this realization can only be experienced when we choose the path of inner authority and take complete ownership for our individual creative existence and creative potential.

True responsibility through inner authority is one of the highest frequencies of a conscious universe.

When we free ourselves from an outer authority paradigm, we invite in massive chaos. Through this exposure to chaos our individual structure can unravel enough that can expand into new awareness and new possibilities. However, chaos is not the end of the process. From that wider spectrum of sight, that wider spectrum of possibilities (which is always increasing as our awareness expands) we then must choose what we order.

This is conscious evolution: a cycle of consciously freeing ourselves from order to invite in chaos allowing awareness to expand. From this new awareness we can then consciously choose what we re-order.

This is what I call the conscious creative leadership path which, through this internal paradigm shift, will allow a new cycle for humanity at large to emerge. In this future iteration, we as individuals, and therefore as a collective, will become more capable of conscious creative evolution and interdependent co-creation.

A conscious creative leader understands that true freedom is in taking radical ownership over what one orders in their human experience. And that true responsibility can only be realized when we are free to choose our order and therefore free from outer authority — from physical, mental, and spiritual control mechanisms.

Our societal structures and community relationship norms currently uphold a deeply inverted, dualistic narrative or program of what freedom and responsibility really mean. They are co-dependent, reactionary, and trauma-ridden with lower emotional frequencies of shame and guilt. They perpetuate a game against the other, which is a game against the self, and eventually imprisons us within a dualistic game where we always lose.

It is a narrative that renders us powerless — simultaneously irresponsible and caged.

It is time to change the orientation of authority in our narratives.

Power (authority) is the freedom to choose order — not impose order on others (inverted), but to choose the order for oneself.

Responsibility and freedom can only be experienced when we as individuals have reoriented toward inner authority, inner power, and therefore begin to exercise our capacity for conscious choice.

Conscious choice implies that every individual has the capacity to navigate inner (and outer) chaos. Conscious choice implies that every individual has the capacity to create inner (and outer) order. Conscious choice implies that every individual has the capacity to recognize that we live in a highly interdependent energetic universe and that every action (or non-action) has an energetic consequence. Conscious choice implies that every individual has the capacity to understand and evaluate the consequences of their actions (and non-actions).

Responsibility can only be upheld in a society that empowers every bit of consciousness (each individual) to embrace their power — their inner authority — their awareness of conscious choice.

Responsibility as a psychological or physical mechanism to control chaos inverts and fails responsibility, because it fails freedom. Just as freedom as rebellion to all order inverts and fails freedom, because it fails responsibility.

When we choose chaos over order or order over chaos, we lose our power (authority) to consciously create.

We are free only when we as individuals take radical responsibility for every single choice we make and the entire experience of our lives.

We are responsible only when we guard the freedom of each individual to choose the order they want to live in — sharing only that which we believe will allow the other to become more aware of the order one is choosing.

Individuals who support a societal structure and community norms that actually want to empower people need to consider that the only way to a new paradigm of higher consciousness for humanity is through empowering the shift to inner authority.

This will invite in massive chaos as we as a collective do not currently have much, if any, capacity to consciously choose, but still, it is the only way to build that capacity. The only way out is through.

This will disrupt the old paradigm which is fundamentally built upon this reactionary tension between following outer authority and rebelling against it.

But it is only through surrender to chaos that we will ever be able to consciously choose a new order paradigm for ourselves and, and eventually societies at large.

If we lean towards order, now is the time to expand our relationship with chaos and freedom.

If we lean towards chaos, now is the time to expand our relationship with order and responsibility.

No matter where we are in our initiation or to which extreme we are tempted, we all must take back our creative power — to become our own authority and the guardian of a higher frequency of both freedom and responsibility.


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Carley Marcelle

Carley Marcelle

I share reflections on how we can more conscious creative leaders through the age of human disruption. Learn more at